A taste

So, on Monday my sweetie and I had a date with our photographer.


Our photography package includes an "engagement session." An engagement session is essentially a chance to get some photographs of you as a couple before the wedding, in a more casual atmosphere, with your regular clothes. It also gives you a chance to work with the photographer before the big day, get a feel for each other, get comfortable with the camera (I think this would require quite a few more sessions for me :-). In our case, we were also hoping it would give us a chance to get some nice outdoor pictures, since our wedding is in the dead of winter. We were planning to walk around the West Village, a very picturesque neighborhood, very Old New York.



Alas, that did not happen, because the weather simply would not cooperate. We had an appointment last week, but canceled because the forecast was for severe thunderstorms. Which never materialized, of course. We rescheduled for Monday, when it naturally rained all day. Since my sweetie is leaving for Seattle shortly, we couldn't reschedule indefinitely, so we decided to do it indoors. Happily, my coworker came up with the brilliant suggestion of Chelsea Markets. Our photographer had never shot there before, and he was really pleased with the lighting. And, as a 19th-century biscuit factory, it has a cool atmosphere, too.



We had a good time :-).

I now pronounce you...our officiant

So, the whole Seattle thing has distracted me from blogging, and a regular reader has chided me for not blogging about our search for an officiant.

Looking for an officiant was a somewhat intimidating proposition for me, so I put it off for quite a while, until I started to have little panicky thoughts like, “What if I put it off so long that we end up with no one to marry us???” I am sure all of the officiants I contacted after this panic attack would laugh if they knew about it: more than one commented on how early I was, at eight months out!

I guess looking for an officiant is not something a lot of couples need to do: more than a few acquaintances were puzzled when I mentioned it. If you attend a church or temple or mosque, I suppose you would simply have the pastor or rabbi or imam marry you. Or, if you are marrying interfaith, you would be specifically looking for a religious leader who would be willing to bend the rules. But my sweetie and I are atheists, and so we were looking for a nonreligious ceremony, which made things a bit more difficult.

Of course my first thought was a judge or justice of the peace, but I couldn’t find any leads to such a person. Having a friend get ordained on the internet is not an option in New York state (and, after we attended a wedding recently which was officiated by a friend of the groom, we decided it wasn’t a nice option anyway). So I searched for nonreligious officiants.

I was a little unnerved by how “nonreligious” seems to be used interchangeably in this context with “interfaith” or “nondenominational.” I do not consider these synonymous at all. As atheists, we did not want any god in our ceremony, even a generic one. We also agreed that we did not want a minister or rabbi who was simply willing to do a ceremony without god: it seems wrong, to us, that any religious leader would be willing, essentially, to be an atheist for pay.

This narrowed the field considerably to the following:

Ethical Humanists: I contacted a couple humanist ministers and also the New York Ethical Society.

A “civil celebrant”—the organization Celebrant USA ordains “civil celebrants” to perform nonreligious rituals such as marriages, baby namings and funerals. In New York State you still have to call yourself a minister in order to be legally licensed to perform weddings, but their platform is secular.

In the end, after all the angst, the search proved easier than I expected.

We met with two officiants—the first was very affordable, a member of the American Humanist Association. She was very sweet, and we had a nice long discussion in a café about weddings, Humanism, and politics—she is an activist in numerous liberal causes. When we parted, she gave us several brochures to read about Humanism.

We had mixed feelings about her. On the one hand, she was very inexpensive ($250), but on the other she would provide only the very basic service. We would need to write the ceremony ourselves (she did give us some samples for inspiration), and unfortunately neither of us has a real idea of what we want to ceremony to look like—another problem with having no religious tradition to lean on. And, to be frank, we were a little put off by her very liberal politics (we are fairly liberal but not radically so), and I wasn’t sure I liked that Humanism feels very much like any other religion when she speaks of it. Though many of my beliefs align with Humanism, I’m wary of evangelists of any stripe.

The second person we met was a “civil celebrant.” She is on the opposite end of the cost scale, pretty expensive ($800). She arrived with her husband (who chauffeurs her) in tow, and the two of them were calm, organized, and funny. When we discussed our religious backgrounds, my sweetie asked for hers, and she said, “I believe in ritual.” She said she became a celebrant because she felt the important events in our lives should be marked and celebrated, even if you are not religious. Her service works like this: we fill out a detailed questionnaire, about our beliefs, how we met, any personal details we want included, etc.; she writes a ceremony based on this, personalized to us and our story; we edit as much as we like. Then, on the day of the wedding, she shows up early, makes sure we sign the marriage license, coordinates the ceremony with the DJ and the photographer, and, she promises, gives us cues throughout so that we do not need to remember a thing. She also said that, if we choose to write our own vows, she will be sure to bring backup vows, in case we never manage to get anything down on paper (“You would be surprised how often this happens.”). The day after the ceremony, she files the license with the city.

Can you tell we liked her? In particular I loved how careful she was to let us know that she would direct everything, that even if we showed up on the day in t-shirts, barely recognizing each other, and stressed out of our minds, she will make sure the ceremony is beautiful and meaningful. I think on the day I will be incredibly grateful to have someone calm and in charge. It will be totally worth $800 to me.

So it was easy after all, and I’m very happy to have it done, especially now that my sweetie is about to leave town—this was really a task we needed to do together, so my panic attack was perfectly timed :-).

Knitting catch-up

By the way, I’ve been knitting like a fiend:

Norah Gaughan’s lace hoodie pullover, from Vogue Knitting Spring/Summer 2005. Knit in Berroco Pleasure, color Emotion, 11 balls. Size 9 and 8 needles.

The shawl for my sweetie’s Nana, who is turning 90 in September.

I am ridiculously proud of this shawl, because I adapted two patterns and a stitch pattern (feather-and-fan) to create it. I put quite a bit of thought into the design: I decided to go with a tie-front shawl instead of a traditional triangle or rectangle because I thought Nana, who uses a cane, might find it easier to keep on. I chose a washable wool yarn because I didn’t think Nana would care to hand wash it. And I chose feather-and-fan because it’s a pretty lace pattern which still looks good even unblocked (most lace patterns need blocking to look like anything but a snarl of yarn), because I sure don’t expect Nana to block it every time it gets washed!

Knit in Lorna’s Laces Shepherd Worsted, color Iris Garden. I used about 2.5 skeins, on size 9 needles. Patterns were Tie One On (for the basic shape) and Hip in Hemp (for the increases within the stitch pattern) from Knitty.

And finally, Coachella:

Knit in Blue Sky Alpacas 100% cotton, color Flamingo, just under 3 skeins. I changed the hem to this wide ribbed hem, which I like much better than the original.

Both pullovers were true stash busters. Love 'em!

Throwback

Life has become rather interesting of late.

My sweetie has gotten a job across the country. Though he first applied for this job back in May, he did not go out there for an interview until a few weeks ago. So from the interview until now it all seems very fast. But, it's done: he's accepted the job, and he's moving across the country in less than four weeks.

The irony does not escape us: we decided on getting married in NY because I couldn't face planning the wedding long distance (my parents live in CA). Now, with seven months to go, my sweetie is moving, and the question arises: do I follow now, or later?

I still can't face the long-distance planning, plus it unnerves us both to think of me quitting my job and losing my paycheck seven months before we're about to blow a big chunk of money on a wedding. So we have decided I will stay here, and move after the wedding.

I'm sad: I will miss my sweetie.

I'm freaked: I've agreed (for he did ask me before interviewing for/accepting the job) to give up my job, my home, my friends, my life, and move across the country. For a guy. I'm giving up my life for a guy.

Before he got this job, we had planned to move in together right about now: his lease is coming up, and rather than renew, he was either going to move in with me, or we were going to rent a new place together. This seems to be the pretty standard path I've seen most of my friends follow: live together, either before or after engagement, become entwined in each other's lives, then get married.

Now, instead, my sweetie will give me a kiss and essentially disappear (save for maybe a handful of visits) from my life for seven months, only to show up for the wedding. At which point we'll be joined for good, and I will have no trappings of my previous life but him and the home he's found for us.

I feel like a war bride, or a frontier wife, or something weirdly...old-fashioned.

It all seems very romantic, but I have to admit it's freaking me out. I'm not such the spontaneous type. I had a Plan. And while I understand that marriage involves change, I didn't expect such drastic change. And I didn't expect to be separated for so long beforehand. What if I forget what he looks like? (OK, I'm not really worried about this--consider it a metaphorical fear.)

I am also excited: I've wanted to try something new for a long time, and this is a great opportunity for it. I'll be glad to be back on the West Coast, and I love the thought of embarking on the adventure with the guy I love. I have no real fear that our relationship will fall apart under the stress. I think we've looked at the pros and cons of the move with pretty realistic eyes, and I think this is a good choice for us.

But the part of me that's gotten used to "Me," that has a very clear definition of "Me" as a single, urban woman with a job, who owns her own apartment and is very independent, thank you very much; the "Me" who made it to 37 without getting married, who wanted to be single throughout her 20s and didn't even start dating for real until she was 32; the "Me" who had her life planned out as the eccentric "Aunt" to all her friends' kids, elegant in caftans, art, and cats, letting the kids crash in her NYC condo when they were teens fed up with their parents; that "Me" is completely terrified. That "Me" is wondering if I'm making a huge mistake, putting all my eggs in the basket labeled with the name of one man. Can he handle it? Can I handle it?

Life has gotten very interesting.

It's done

Well, after having makeup slathered on me by three different people, I have booked my makeup artist.

I realize this photo is not the best--it's weirdly pink/orange--but I really loved the makeup. She absolutely got my #1 pet peeve--I hate eyeshadow on Asian women. I think it makes us look sleepy, or plastic, or something. She punched up my eyes with false eyelashes instead, which I must admit I kind of love. If I were the kind of girl who got out of bed each morning with enough time to do anything but brush my teeth and comb my hair, I would be sorely tempted to put on false eyelashes every day :-).

Here is the makeup after four hours:

And after seven hours (please excuse the truly horrendous hair):

I also came away from this trial with a revolutionary beauty secret. You see, I have bushy eyebrows. Every single makeup artist I have seen in this last month has suggested I thin my eyebrows. Over the years, I have had this suggestion made to me by facialists and waxers, as well. The problem is, a) see above regarding barely being able to brush my teeth and comb my hair--I'm pretty low-patience, maintenance-wise; and b) I have very sensitive eyebrows and eyelids. Waxing/threading/plucking them hurts. Believe me, I have waxed other parts of my body (even ones that are supposed to be sensitive) without flinching, but the eyebrows are painful. When I tried threading a couple months ago, tears were streaming down my face. The threader finished the job with her face set in an expression of pure contempt for my wimpiness.

So, when this makeup artist once again suggested plucking my eyebrows, I warned her that I have zero tolerance for it. Then she said these magic words:

"Oh, I'll put some Ambesol on them."

I tell you, a whole new world has opened up for me. If I were the kind of girl who got out of bed each morning with enough time to do anything but brush my teeth and comb my hair, I would totally shape my eyebrows regularly.

When she sat down at the end of the trial to make notes about what makeup she had put on me (to remember for eight months from now when the wedding is actually here), I asked her to be sure to bring the Ambesol: I will have gorgeous eyebrows on my wedding day, if on no other day!

Unexpected

So yesterday Laura and I went to the Gallery of Wearable Art. They custom make very fancy clothes for celebrities, and cost an arm and a leg. However, they are closing because the owner is ready to retire, and whatever they have on hand is on sale for the rest of the month--70% off right now.

I saw an utterly gorgeous red silk gown with fancy floral embroidery and a heavy obi-like sash, which I just adored. Fortunely, it still cost $1,000 even with the discount, and after all, what do I need an Oscar-worthy gown for?

There was also a very lovely embroidered wedding gown the saleperson tried to sell me for $100, but I already have a dress I love.

Then he suggested I look at some of the veils they have in back. I was still not sure I want a veil, but I figured what the heck. Most of them were too poufy. But then Laura suggested I try one with a wide white ribbon around the edge--we had seen one like this last week, and liked it. The salesperson pulled it out for me, and I was happy to see that it had no comb and therefore no pouf--it simply draped over my head. It was very long, too--cathedral length, which I had never entertained as a possibility. After all, I'm not getting married in a cathedral :-).

But, when I put it on, I thought it was pretty. Laura (she is evil) asked how much it was. The saleperson said:

"$75."

What could I do? I bought it:

Now that I own it, I'm actually kind of excited about it: I can see myself in it with the dress on, and I like the idea of it. I might, though, embellish it a bit. See the satin edge?

I am thinking I might sew some red Chinese knots around the edge, to give it color, a bit of ornateness, and a unique touch, too. Plus it would give the veil that nice, drapey heavy edge of the dream veil I once saw in the Saks window. I think even if I end up having to sew 500 knots on, it still won't cost as much as it would have in another store.

I'm pretty happy with my bargain.

Three rectangles

Knitting update: I have continued working on my lace hoodie pullover (despite the fact that it is now much too warm to be wearing a sweater made of an angora blend), and I'm happy to report all pieces are done:



Here they are blocking: three stockinette rectangles representing the back and two sleeves. Now all that's left is the assembly, which, while it is my least favorit epart (I hate seaming), at least has the advantage of producing a sweater immediatley upon completion :-).

For my next project, I am thinking I will knit a shawl for my sweetie's grandmother, who is turning 90 in September. I've never knitted a shawl before, so I am a bit intimidated, given my short attention span: that will be one large piece of knitting!

Miscellaneous

Laura and I have half-day summer Fridays, so for the second week in a row, we did some wedding-related errands. This week was miscellaneous non-urgent things: I'm in a sort of lull at the moment, when the major items that need to be done way in advance have mostly been taken care of, and the remaining things can wait a few months.

So, yesterday we did some random shopping:

We stopped in at Mokuba ribbon, a gorgeous ribbon store, which sadly only sells wholesale.

We went to Mood Fabrics of Project Runway fame--this was not really wedding related; I just love browsing fabric stores, and Mood is a beauty.

We stopped in at M&J Trimming and looked at the rhinestone trim, among other things.

We went to Sposabella Lace, where I tried on some veils. I liked the veils, but I am still not sure I want one enough to spend any money on it.


Finally, we ended up at Lord & Taylor, our favorite department store, where we shopped a little, checked out the formal dresses to see if anything red and bridesmaid-worthy had come in, and then we ended up at the Elizabeth Arden counter, where I was accosted by a makeup artist:

I really like it! She used a much lighter hand with the foundation and chose a color which was perfect with my skin. Also, instead of blush, which I don't like on me, she used a bronzer, which looked fantastic. I really liked that she looked at me, saw that I never wear makeup, and took it easy. She also didn't push me to buy anything (although one of her colleagues gave us a sales pitch on some fancy anti-aging treatment throughout).

Here it is four hours later (terribly overexposed, but believe me, it still looked good):

I took her card, of course. I'm hoping she won't be too pricey for wedding makeup!

Makeup trial

So, how did the real purpose of the trip to Verona go?

I'm not too sure. Here is the before picture:

My main concern is that I want to cover up the spots and speckles and zits, especially on my chin. I also want strong eyeliner, no/little eyeshadow (I think eyeshadow on Asian women just makes us look sleepy), and no/little blush (I hate pink with my skin tone).

Here is an after picture:

Looks pretty nice here, right? I like what she's done with my eyelashes--she glopped on more mascara than I had ever thought possible. She definitely evened out my skin tone, but did so by putting on an awful lot of foundation; I felt very made-up.

Here's another after picture, in harsher light:

I look like death warmed over with a mask on, especially in the area between my eyes and nose. And it looked even worse after several hours, when the foundation layer had absorbed, and the powder was coated on top. I really didn't like it.

What did my sweetie think? He said, ".....it looks nice. But not like you. You look really...Asian."

I have no idea what that means, but it didn't sound happy, to me. He is on record as not liking makeup very much (after all, he dates me, and I never wear the stuff), so he didn't really know what to say, and kept telling me that it didn't matter--I should do what I wanted. But, while I want to look bridal beautiful (read: perfect), I also want to look like the prettiest me he's ever seen--and obviously this was not it.

As for Laura, she was very unhappy--she felt the makeup made her look old, and I had to agree it wasn't the most flattering look on her (no pics for privacy reasons :-).

So, while I think the makeup loooked reasonably nice at first, and while I also think its ultimate failure was probably my fault, because I asked for even skin tone, nonetheless, I think I need to go back to the drawing board. I am thinking, since I hate heavy makeup, that I might try doing my own. This will be something of a challenge, since I never wear makeup in real life....but I have nine months to learn, right?

C is for cookie

Friday my friend Laura and I ventured out into the wilds of Verona, New Jersey, for a makeup trial. We were a bit early, so stopped in a bakery for a snack. There, we saw these:

I can do without Elmo or Big Bird, but the Cookie Monster--complete with chocolate-chip cookie shoved in his mouth--I love it.

Hair ornaments

Once upon a time, I had very very long hair, and I used to buy fancy hair ornaments for it all the time. I rarely wore them--very very long hair is quite heavy and doesn't put up with a lot of nonsense. Then I cut it, wore it short for a while, and now that it is (not quite as) long again, I do not have the same navel-gazing life I used to have. That is: I can barely make sure my hair is brushed, much less decorated, before I leave the house each morning.

But, here comes the wedding, which is an opportunity to do all kinds of girly things I don't do in everyday life: wear a floor-length, designer dress. Wear big flashy jewelry. Wear expensive, bright red shoes. Get my makeup done. And: get my hair done and ornament it.

So, I have become mildly obsessed with vintage hair combs. Here are some currently on eBay.

From thefunkyjunkco:

From rdshow:

From Simitra:

(Something blue, perhaps?)

There are people who collect these (I have been outbid on several because I can't bring myself to spend significant amounts of money on a comb), and I can see why. I find them beautiful and fascinating.

These are big, Spanish-style combs, that would stick out dramatically. If I were wearing a large bun/chignon, they'd be way cool, and would beg for a fancy veil.

Alas, I am focused on the not-quite-Conehead, and there's just nowhere for one to go on that sleek, cylindrical shape.

Aren't they gorgeous, though?

More veil thoughts

Here's an interesting item I found on eBay:

It's a 50's ad, featuring a pretty, simple veil and simple instructions on how to make it at the bottom. I like this; it's definitely something I'll keep in mind, though I fear it will not go with the haristyle I am currently fixated on.

No, not the Conehead, but this:

The first time I saw this picture, I thought, "Ew, that's a little wild." The second time I saw it, I thought, "Hm, it's interesting." By the third time (and, you understand, viewing something multiple times does not happen by accident), I was thinking, "Hmm, it's everything I like about the Conehead, without the Coneheadiness." It looks like it requires a lot of hair, though.

And, of course, it absolutely will not go with that veil :-).

And...another

What can I say? I'm obsessed. But I really like this one:

(More name changing....it's hard to make up names!)

I would ask my dad to write a double happiness for me, since this one is another stolen jpeg. And this is yet another 2-color design, but I didn't like it as much all red or all black. This is nice combo. Letterpressed on a white textured paper with a red pocketfold: gorgeous.

I suspect I am going to be spending a lot more on invites than I really wanted to....

I detect a theme.....

A few more attempts at designing my own invitations:

(Names changed to protect the guilty)



This one is a "tea length" invitation featuring a Chinese papercut. Alas, the Chinese do not have a tradition of elaborately beautiful papers like the Japanese, but they do have a tradition of very intricate papercut designs. This one features the double happiness symbol as well as a dragon and a phoenix--traditionally representative of the Emperor and Empress, respectively, and used often for weddings.

Both of these designs are 2-color, which adds a layer of cost. Sigh. I have expensive taste, what can I say?

I've really been enjoying playing around with these invitation designs. It has inspired an urge to quit my job, get a graphic design degree, and set up an invitation design business out of my home.

In the course of the wedding planning, I have felt similar urges to:

Quit my job and start up a floral design business.

Quit my job and start up a wedding cookie favor business.

Quit my job and become a wedding hairstylist.

Quit my job and become a wedding photographer (OK, this one would be in a totally different reality).

Quit my job and start up a wedding dress sewing business (again, this would be in a dimension where I am someone with a much greater attention span and a much bigger apartment).

I sense a theme running through these....

On the other hand, I have no desire to become a DJ. I do not expect to have any urge to become a wedding officiant. And I have zero, I repeat zero, desire to be a wedding planner/consultant because you know what? Being a middleman sucks.

In which I lack equipment and knowledge

So, here is a first attempt at designing an invitation, which I did very quickly in Word:


(Names obscured because this is the Internet :-)

It's very plain, and I think my sweetie would like it (I haven't shown him yet). It may be a bit too plain for me, but I think I could come around, especially if I decided to splurge and do letterpress. You see, this place will take your design and letterpress it for a very reasonable price. I could be happy with a plain invitation if I could have letterpress.

The problem with designing my own, of course, is that I lack the tools (and also the design training, but if I keep it simple we won't worry too much about that). For example, I would need to provide the file as a pdf (at the very least: they'd love a Quark file), and I have no means of making a pdf. The little double happiness in the middle is a jpeg I swiped from somewhere; by no means is it a printer-ready piece of art. Somehow I would need to get my hands on a hi-res piece of art, preferably one that's "vectored" (like that term? I learned it yesterday) so that I can size it at will and still keep the quality of the image.

On top of it, it has occurred to me that it might be nice to ask my dad to write a double happiness for me--he's known in his family for his beautifl Chinese calligraphy, and it would be a nice, personal touch. Then I would need a scanner to get the art into my computer, and who knows how you scan something as a vectored piece of art?

All of this is going to cost money; I certainly am not going to invest in a scanner or a piece of software that costs hundreds--that would sort of defeat the purpose of designing my own.

On the other hand, I'm saving a lot of money in yarn these days--what else am I going to spend my craft money on? :-)

Veils of time

Several years ago, long before I met my sweetie, possibly even before I started dating seriously--so, let's say 1999 or 2000--I was standing in front of Saks Fifth Avenue, waiting for a bus to take me home. For those of you who don't know it, Saks Fifth Avenue on Fifth Avenue is a gorgeous, elegant store. The kind of store Carolyn Bessette Kennedy goes into to buy a $4,000 off-the-rack little black dress before flying up to Martha's Vineyard in her husband's small plane. The kind of store with a lunch room for the real Ladies Who Lunch. The kind of store where li'l ol' me goes in to browse, but never to buy. Once I was given a $50 gift certificate to Saks, and it took me two trips and six hours before I found something I could buy--and yes, I looked at the hair accessories.

Saks has gorgeous windows. They are always chock full of beautiful designer clothes, often gowns of the crispest silk faille or the most glorious structured wool suits. I walk by and drool. And, in January, they have wedding clothes.

So, in January of 1999 or 2000, long before I met my sweetie or even started dating seriously, I was standing in front of a Saks window which featured a dress, a tuxedo, doubtless some frippery accessories--and a veil.

The veil was glorious. I don't remember who the designer was, but it was a long, cathedral-length veil, draped mantilla-style over the mannequin's head--not poufy at all, just smooth and elegant as it fell down over her outstretched arm--and edged in at least nine inches of heavy, luxurious alencon lace, all the way around.

I'd never seen a veil like it. It was breathtaking, and the lace was substantial; it looked almost quilted, corded and beaded with pearls, and the extravagant width of it screamed expensive in the best way. It clearly had weight--the veil's drape was entirely due to its lace edge. I fell completely in love with.

Fast forward seven or eight years, and I am looking at veils. Way back when I saw my Dream Veil, I thought it would be an indulgence, but one that wouldn't be too terrible. Now, I laugh: I don't remember who the designer was, but I wouldn't be shocked to hear that that veil cost $8,000 or more. Veils are crazy expensive, especially when you consider that they are pretty simple things: a circle of netting and some lace edging, maybe with a comb sewn on. Sometimes they don't even have the lace edging, and they still run into the hundreds of dollars. I honestly don't get it. There are a lot of things associated with weddings whose expense I don't get, but veils are #1. Designer wedding gowns are ridiculously expensive, but at least they involve some work to create; veils are, well, veils. There's not a lot of there there, and on top of it, you wear the veil for maybe an hour, while you wear the dress all night.

So, needless to say, I won't be investing in my Dream Veil, even if I could find it lo these many years later. But, sadly, the cheaper veils don't do it for me. I am seduced by that nine inch border, something that is so far out of my price range I couldn't even make it myself for the money I am willing to spend. I could easily have a two-inch or even a three-inch border, but....well. It's not the same.

Ha: I guess there is something I am very particular about :-).

So, I am leaning towards skipping the veil entirely. I have been thinking about it, and I realized that I envision myself walking down the aisle without one. I don't want one obscuring my face. Or my hair. Or the dress I love. Or my view of my sweetie.

But that veil in the window of Saks: I'm telling you, it was glorious.

We had to laugh

I've been looking long and hard for an invitation which is Chinese, but not tacky. Chinese themed invitations generally seem to feature a lot of metallic gold and glitter and foil stamping; they are also often on cheap card stock, such as you'd expect a birthday card to be printed on. I am a paper snob, and I want luxurious, thick card stock. If I could justify the cost of letterpress, I would go for it. I love the textural quality of good paper, and I'm not into the flashy glitter.

Finally, I stumbled on this invitation from White Aisle.

That symbol in the lower right corner is the Chinese "double happiness" character. Each half is the Chinese character for "happiness" and two happinesses together is a traditional good wish for a wedding. I would very much like to incorporate this into my wedding. I like the dragon, too: it's graphic and interesting, Chinese without being flashy. I think this invitation is unusual and interesting, and it's reasonably priced, so I ordered a sample.

What do you know? My sweetie hates it. The dragon is too "in your face". He wants something classic, simple and (to my mind) dull. As we discussed it, we started to giggle. Once again, our opinions are directly opposed.

What could we do? We had to laugh. And it's back to the drawing board for me, perhaps literally: I am starting to think of designing my own.

The lazy bridezilla

I am finding that being a bridezilla requires stamina, stamina I don't have. It requires sticktoitiveness (I love that word) and organization and grim focus on What You Want. I have none of these things. I read blogs of brides who have interviewed fifteen photographers, a dozen florists, half a dozen DJs, and I get tired.

So far, we've interviewed three photographers, and though we have agreed we should probably meet more, the thought of doing so is daunting, and so the process is stalled while I procrastinate. I interviewed three florists, and have gone with the first one I met, mainly because she seemed like she'd be fairly agreeable to work with. Next week we start with DJs, and if we have to interview more than two or three, I can already see I will quickly want to give up.

People appear to visit dozens of venues before picking "the one". We visited three. The dress search seems to usually comprise a hunt involving months of legwork; I got mine in a single intense frenzy of two hours. I read about brides who have hard-negotiated prices from florists, photographers, venues, etc.; if I get a price that's too high, I go elsewhere.

Does this make me laid-back or lazy? I don't know. On the one hand, I do want the wedding to be everything I want, but on the other, my wants are fairly open and flexible. I want red flowers, but since I love almost all flowers, I don't especially care which flowers they are. I want the photography to be good, but I also don't want to spend piles of money on it. I want people to be dancing, but do we have to have exactly the right DJ or our wedding will be ruined? I love our venue, but I picked it as much for price as for any other reason. I booked the hairstylist on the spot after my trial because I couldn't imagine liking someone else so much more as to be worth the extra effort.

Is "good enough" really good enough, or am I cheating myself by not being very specific and demanding, by not exhausting every option to be sure I choose the best? I think it's a symptom of the bridezilla culture that I'm even wondering this. I mean, this is usually how I make decisions in my regular life, too: I check out a few options, then go with the one I like best and don't worry too much about all the ones I haven't seen. So far my somewhat-spontaneous and not-rigorously-researched decisions have generally worked out.

How else, I ask you, would I have found my sweetie? :-)

I hate my profile

So, I had a hair trial on Friday. Yes, it's ten months out, I know. I initally called the hairstylist because I had read about her on the knot, and I knew she was very affordable, so I wanted to make sure she didn't get booked. When she emailed me back, she said we could wait to do a trial because it was still early and she didn't expect to have any other requests for the date any time soon. My sweetie said, "That's so nice, how she called you totally crazy without calling you totally crazy."

Three days later, she emailed me to say someone else had asked for my date. HAH! Plan early, I always say!

So, I went in for my trial, with my trusty bridesmaids for consultation. Here are pictures.

Style 1, a low chignon:

Style 2, a high style I refer to as the Conehead:

My main conclusion from these pictures is, yes, I still hate my profile. Hate, hate, HATE it. I will have to make sure the photographer I choose knows to never, ever shoot me in profile. That's what the 3/4 view was invented for!

The second conclusion is that I like Style #2 better. I love the look of the chignon from the back, but from the front and side I think the Conehead looks better. Which is funny because I went in determined to have the low chignon, and then at the last minute I saw a picture of Marcia Cross in a high sleek updo and thought, "Hey, why not?"

Boy, was my hair shiny after all the product she put in it. And my sweetie said I looked beautiful! Of course, I must be careful never again to let him see me from the side....

Let them (not) eat cake

My sweetie and I have agreed that we don't want a cake at the wedding. Neither of us especially likes cake; I especially don't like wedding cake, because fondant is gross and in my experience, the prettier a cake is, the drier and nastier it tastes.

Instead, I want to have Beard Papa cream puffs. Beard Papa is a Japanese chain that sells gigantic delicious cream puffs; they opened several store in NYC in the last few years, and I think now have stores in California, as well. Here I am in front of a mother ship store in Shinjuku, Tokyo:

See the line? They're good cream puffs!

My sweetie wants cannolis from Ferrara. I'm fine with that. Cream puffs and cannolis, and you chocolate lovers can go elsewhere!

Still, a part of me does feel the pull of the traditional cake. This month's Martha Stewart Weddings features several plastic-looking cakes which leave me cold, and this one:

It's hardly iced at all--just a thin layer of fondant on the top of each tier, covered by a layer of passionfruit curd. The layers are also separated by curd. Each layer is tinted with some food coloring, and the edges are cut and exposed; my mouth is watering just looking at it. I still think we will not be having cake at our wedding (for one thing, delicious though it looks, it strikes me as impractical: I'd think the edges would dry out, even if one didn't cut and expose the edges until right before the wedding began), but I might try my hand at making this cake one day. It looks too fun and delicious to pass up!

(Yes: I read Martha Stewart Weddings: getting married is the perfect excuse to buy into Martha's perfect world. I can unequivocally state it's the loveliest wedding mag out there, and the only one where I've bought more than one issue. The ideas are interesting, the pictures are gorgeous, and while I could never maintain the level of perfection found in the pages of Living in real life, it's nice to dream that I could do it for one day :-)