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So, after a long silence, I’m back. I have been feeling much better, although I am now getting to the point where I feel huge, so the period of comfort was fleeting.

I have come through my company’s busy season in one piece. We do overnight high school graduation parties, so June is crazy busy. Last year I worked the parties themselves; this year, because I didn’t think I could be on my feet all night, instead I stayed in the office overnight and manned the phones—a sort of nerve center of operations for nights when we had multiple parties going on. I worked 11 overnight shifts in a row, and boy, was my sleep schedule messed up!

Prior to the graduation season, it loomed like a huge monolith on the horizon and I could not see past it. Now that I am on the other side, I am thinking about September, when the baby is due. As I start to have trouble getting out of bed each morning (both literally—who knew sitting up was such a chore?—and figuratively—I could sleep all day if I didn’t have to get to work) the baby is making his presence known at every moment.

Oh yes, “his.” It’s a boy. I was surprised, I think because I was assuming the baby was a girl because I’m a girl. Duh.

Anyway, with the graduation season just past, I’ve been thinking about kids and what makes a successful parent. These parties are celebrations of an achievement, yes, but I don’t know that graduating from high school is the landmark it once was. Are these kids really adults now, and are their parents’ jobs really finished? Somehow, I doubt it.

We ask a few of the kids at each party to fill out evaluation forms to let us know what they thought of the party. Reading through them, I’ve been rather appalled at how few high school graduates can spell well, and how few can form complete and coherent sentences. Our boss’s 17-year-old daughter has been working in our office the past few weeks, and when she was asked to file a series of documents alphabetically in boxes, she asked for 24 separate boxes, one for each letter in the alphabet (yes, 24. Don’t ask). She had to have it explained to her several times that when you alphabetize things, each letter doesn’t need to have its own box; you can start with A and keep going though B and C until you run out of room in the first box, then start a new box. And it is not the first time I’ve heard of a teenager being unaware that one continues alphabetizing beyond the first letter of a word. That is, Aaron comes before Abel, and it’s not enough to just throw all the A’s in one spot willy-nilly.

All of this had me very down. I came home and said to my sweetie that I expected our son to be able to write whole sentences without spelling errors, and that he had better know how to alphabetize by the time he hits junior high, much less by the time he’s graduating from high school. I fretted, “What if our kid is stupid and I don’t like him because of that?” It’s one of my faults that I have a very low tolerance for stupidity, and though I’ve worked on it, I don’t know how I’d react if my kid were stupid.

My sweetie looked at me like I was nuts (he often does) and suggested that perhaps, at least on the subject of spelling and alphabetizing, we as parents might have a little bit of influence in the matter. Which I would take comfort in, except that I seriously doubt that any of these kids’ parents set out to make sure their kids didn’t know there are 26 letters in the alphabet.

So, what happened? I mean, I don’t know how much my parents taught me about these things. I know they emphasized the importance of school, and that I should get good grades. But other than trying to teach me the multiplication tables a grade early at home, I don’t recall them really actively helping me with school work or teaching me anything in particular. I definitely learned to alphabetize at school—I can remember it. I assume my boss’s daughter did, too: why didn’t she retain it?

On the other hand, my parents, who both learned English in their teens, never say “lay down” when they mean “lie down,” never say “he and I” (or, worse, “him and I”) when it should be “him and me,” write in complete sentences with good spelling and never confuse “it’s” and “its.” So maybe there’s something to leading by example.

Friends tell me that my sweetie and I will be good parents. But I don’t think anyone plans to be a bad parent, so I want to know: how can you tell? I don’t think my parents were great parents, but they weren’t bad parents. I think they muddled through. I think a lot of parents muddle through. They do the best they can. And school stuff is relatively easy to measure; if I wanted to be obsessive, I could play my son music in the womb, teach him sign language at age one, grill him with flash cards at age three, enroll him in five hundred programs by age six that will teach him three languages, how to do geometry proofs and the basic principles of chemistry by age ten. I am fairly sure that with a little effort I could sit at his high school graduation confident that he knows how to alphabetize.

But: will he know how to think? Will he know how to be compassionate? Will he know how to work hard? Will he know the world doesn't owe him anything?

Hah. Let me fret for now about what I will do if he's stupid. We'll worry next week about what I will do if he's lazy, narcissistic, mean, or downright evil.


Anonymous said...

ALL parents muddle through - so just accept that - even the ones that play music in the womb and enroll their kids in five billion classes by the age of six.
Learning by example is huge. This is how your freinds know that you and Andrew will make good parents - because we see your example already. And don't fret over stupidity. There are plenty of stupid people around our age too. I think it's a combination genetics and neglect. If you are involved in your kid's life, then as a parent, you are the greatest influence.

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And by the way, since I think you and your hubby are sensible, compassionate people, who treat other folks with dignity, as Cass said, that will be the greatest influence on your kid(s).

Having watched my niece and her kids, and some of my sweetie's friends and THEIR demon spawn (I mean, kids), it seems that engaged parents who teach their kids by example and common sense usually yield children you do not want to lock in a closet or hide under a rock ;P

And I severely doubt your kid(s) will be stupid, what with genetics and nutrition and parental encouragement (you're not gonna yell at your kid that they're dumb, are ya? I thought not) all being on your side.

Thus endeth commentary from she who will never have children ;)

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The general difficulties of women's and men's fashion

Both women and men can feel the pressures of maintaining their wardrobe up-to-date and in time, yet men's style frequently seems a lot simpler. Of course, for both sexes, clothes and style options could be just as complex, and there are several'cool'items that can easily become fashion faux pas - who can say they often times see people travelling in 70s flames? On the other side, men's style has a few staple goods that can exist eternally - which man is going to keep an eye out of place with a good-quality, tailored suit, for instance? Select basic cuts, colours and fabrics and you'll never seem out-of-place.

Why common men's fashion is timeless

The classic man's suit has hardly changed for over a hundred years. True, there are many options for various occasions, however they are all common in their pursuit of a wise, sharp search for the wearer. The great thing about common fashion for men is that it's effortlessly elegant simply cool. A well-groomed man can typically appear his sharpest in a well-tailored suit, and it is a testament to the design of such clothing. A suit will undoubtedly be used to work in many professions because of the professional look it affords to the individual, instilling a sense of respect and trust. Similarly a suit will be worn to many social occasions, like a tuxedo to a black-tie event. This incredible flexibility that allows suits to be used in virtually all events is what gives it its timeless edge and a permanent place in men's fashion.

Contemporary movements in traditional men's fashion

Although basic men's designs can never be replaced, it is interesting to note that changes in men's fashion trends have brought particular classic clothes back into fashion. The acceptance of vintage clothing, especially, has brought back a wide-variety of common designs into men's wardrobes, such as that of the dandy man. 'Dandy'is a term used to make reference to men who dress in a classic yet extravagant way, acting in a polished approach and placing value on appearance. This pattern for nearly'over-the-top'common style for men is apparent from events like the'Tweed Run', where men and girls of all ages dress yourself in especially Victorian-style attire and take to the streets on vintage bicycles - with lots of the men wearing impressive mustaches! This really is just one single of many examples of evidence exhibiting the resurrection of such styles. Additionally, there are numerous blogs online which focus on gentlemanly style - such as'The Dandy Project'and'Dandyism'- as well as entire web sites such as'The Art of Manliness'specialized in providing articles on basic men's fashion and grooming.

In summary, although specific facets of classic men's fashion could be cut back as new trends, the fundamental outfits that they are derived from will never slip out of fashion.

"All it requires are a few simple clothes. And there's one secret - the easier the better." - Cary Grant

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